Blackout

Had my first blackout this friday nite, 5 neat pegs and whoof I just loose all control and memory. Strange thing is that I always wanted to have blackout but now I don't remember what I did. Friends say I laughed hysterically and bugged them asking what they wanted in life. I wondered what I really feel subconsiously and I know now what I feel. I think its best I stop thinking for a while, for quite a while but dunno if I would ...